


Merlin's Princess Charm

by Nicecuppatea



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 10:25:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9815666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicecuppatea/pseuds/Nicecuppatea
Summary: Each agent instinctively moves to protect their injury from Merlin: Percival closes his good eye as well as his black eye and gives thanks that the retina wasn’t damaged; Amelia strokes Roxy’s shoulder, sore from both the dislocation and Merlin’s none too gentle method of popping it back in; Eggsy wimpers, his hands gently cupping his crown jewels; and Harry wobbles uncertainly on one leg as he steps backward with the aid of an elegant but impractical cane - the physio authorising this after the ‘crutch fighting’ debacle. Several other agents nurse wrist or arm injuries and a few are still in the medical wing.There are only two people who are not afraid of Merlin: Dagonet and Daisy.Like 'The Blonde Godling' this is a light hearted read so make yourself a pot of loose leaf Earl Grey tea or a cappuccino, grab a triangle of Scottish shortbread and put your feet up for five minutes.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [esmerod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmerod/gifts).



> I just found this this lighthearted fic that I posted on Tumblr as a Christmas Stocking Stuffer for esmerod and have tidied it up a little. 
> 
> I couldn’t resist the idea that Harry and Merlin would set up a new senior branch because, let’s face it, they are never going to retire. And with two big egos they would give it a pompous name. Only mentioned briefly but I would love to write a fic of this.

“It’s true - it will bring you luck, my little princess.”

Merlin is whispering so quietly that not even a room full of spies should be able to hear him but they do because of the silence. It isn’t even a silence, Eggsy thinks, as he kneels in front of Merlin, more an absence of sound as though everyone has stopped breathing.

“If anyone,” Merlin says calmly, looking round the room, “is thinking of taking a photograph, come here,” he crooked his finger, “and whisper in my ear”.

Each agent instinctively moves to protect their injury from Merlin: Percival closes his good eye as well as his black eye and gives thanks that the retina wasn’t damaged; Amelia strokes Roxy’s shoulder, sore from both the dislocation and Merlin’s none too gentle method of popping it back in; Eggsy wimpers, his hands gently cupping his crown jewels; and Harry wobbles uncertainly on one leg as he steps backward with the aid of an elegant but impractical cane - the physio authorising this after the ‘crutch fighting’ debacle. Several other agents nurse wrist or arm injuries and a few are still in the medical wing. 

Only Dagonet stands still with his head held high. He may not be an agent but he is the only adult to ever have touched Merlin’s bald head and survived intact. He glances sympathetically at Eggsy, still unable to stand without wincing after the previous night when Merlin had ensured he had paid a painful price for getting Dagonet drunk and persuading him that touching Merlin’s bald head would bring him luck. It was the mark of a gentleman, Dagonet thought, that Merlin had not lain a finger on him but immediately known who was to blame. 

Looking round at the cowed agents, he guesses that they do not share his confidence in Merlin’s judgement. He shakes his head at them before walking forward to whisper into Merlin’s ear, receiving a nod in exchange for a handkerchief. Dagonet shepherds the agents round behind Merlin’s chair, reassuring them that they will be safe standing behind Merlin. It takes a while because it is a common fallacy that only the candidates and handlers are afraid of Merlin - the truth is that everyone in Kingsman is wary of him, and justly so. He waits until Merlin has wiped Daisy’s chocolatey finger marks off his head, and adjusted her princess dress and Santa hat, before snapping the most iconic photograph in Kingsman’s history.

Twenty years later, Merlin and Harry leave to set up a new branch for retirement-age Kingsman and Statesman which they pompously call ‘GoldenMan, The Senior Service’ and everyone else calls ‘the golden oldies’. Merlin bequeathes the framed photograph to the new Galahad, nicknamed ‘the princess’ and Eggsy proudly puts his arm round his little sister whilst he perches on her desk and tells her all the stories he’s been saving for when she became a Kingsman. He tells her about his dad, about Harry giving him the medal, the police station, the Black Prince, and how Harry and Kingsman changed his life. He omits to mention a few things - like the parachute incident - but he finds himself telling her several things he probably shouldn’t and without any hesitation. He persuades himself that it is because she is his little sister but feels embarrassed at how easily she is getting him to talk.

He looks at the photo facing him on her desk and his hands automatically slip down in front of his trousers to protect his most precious parts from the memory of Merlin’s sharp elbow and the days of agony that followed. He pretends he hasn’t heard Daisy snigger but she leans into him and whispers, “You know Merlin classified it as weapons-grade?”

“What?” Eggsy looks horror stricken.

“The photo, Eggsy, not your knob!” 

Eggsy recovers quickly. “Sorry, Dais, but how can a photo be weapons-grade?”

“Whenever Merlin needed the truth from agents he would slant the photo towards them. He says it causes specific weaknesses through associative memories and can be used to aid information extraction whilst the subject is in an impaired state. It works on everyone in the photo except Merlin and...me.” She smiles innocently. “He calls it Merlin’s Princess Charm.”

She kisses him lightly on his cheek and, as Eggsy reaches into his bag, starts to brag. “And it works like a lucky charm. You should have heard some of Roxy’s stories and Harry told me about when you two had a…”

Eggsy places her gently on a chair as he retrieves his amnesia dart from her neck. He watches her snoring softly whilst he puts the photo in his bag. She was a good spy but she had to learn to curb her tongue if she wanted to be as good as her brother!

**Author's Note:**

> esmerod’s prompt was:  
> There’s a silly rumour that touching Merlin’s bald head will bring you luck – if you survive, of course. Merlin’s pretty sure it’s Harry who started it. Or Eggsy. One never knows with these two. But he certainly won’t stand for it. Aka the suffering of tech wizard Merlin under the rule of King Harry and Knight Eggsy.


End file.
